Don’t be a Kept Man – Chapter 66

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Chapter 66: A Fight Started by a Chicken

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This comment just appeared on screen, and it was as if a huge boulder dropped into a pool of water, creating an insurmountable amount of splashes and waves.

[ Nonono, what’s most important is what just happened. I just blanked out for a moment and then Li Su Li screamed and a chicken popped out from the bush. Why the fuck does this broadcast not allow you to rewind? My mind blanked out for so long ]

[ Same. I have not come back online yet to understand what happened ]

[ I was just thinking about what to say, but I really didn’t see anything at all. And then none of you spoke up either, and I thought I accidentally closed the comments f ]

[ Chen Yi just “shou” and used that tiny piece of rock to hit that chicken. What the fuck!!!!! That is so hot AHAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Those eyes, that aura!!!!!!!! I said he was hiding his skills! A master hiding within!!!!! Who just yelled at me otherwise huh!!! Come out and accept your death!!!! ]

[ AH! OH! AH! I recorded it! The address is here! Those who need it, take your pick!!! ]

[ Does he not need to pay up for killing someone’s chicken? You can tell it’s not a wild one ]

[ I think it does look like someone’s chicken ]

The entire event happened in a blink of an eye, and the filming crew themselves also just came back to their senses. They quickly sent someone to ask around about the rooster at hand. Li Su Li’s mind had blanked out, looking at the rooster, looking at Chen Yi, with her mouth unable to utter any words or sounds.

Zhao Ke Yi gave a perfect real life example of the shocked dog face meme¹ and gave Chen Yi a big thumbs up, shocked to the point where she couldn’t speak for the first few moments, 

“……Oh my god, you’re too amazing!”

Fu Xiu Nian was just going to say something, but he saw Chen Yi signal for him to come over and he followed without a question. When he got closer, the other reached out suddenly and lightly fixed his hood. Chen Yi’s warm fingers inadvertently brushed against his cheeks, making him blush right up to his eyes, shaking every organ inside him……

And then another “shou” sounded as Chen Yi took out the string in his hood to tie up the chicken.

Fu Xiu Nian, shaking in anger: “…….”

Chen Yi didn’t only use his hoodie string to tie up the chicken, he even passed it to Fu Xiu Nian after he did that, saying, 

“Come over here. Hold this.”

Fu Xiu Nian didn’t move, as he was only filled with rejection inside. He lowered his head, unhappily kicking the rocks by his feet, 

“What’s the point in bringing back that thing?”

Chen Yi matter of factly said, 

“To eat of course. Otherwise, what, to play with it?”

The filming crew member, who went to ask about the chicken, came back at this time, 

“We’ve asked around, and there’s a family nearby who raises chickens. The old man, Li De Sheng, lost a big rooster the other day, so perhaps it walked into the mountain without being noticed.”

Implying with his words that this chicken may possibly be someone else’s.

Li Su Li tugged and fixed her ruffled curly hair, taking in the joy of this misfortune befalling upon Chen Yi, 

“Hah, so it was someone else’s chicken. Chen Yi, you killed a chicken that belonged to someone. When you have to pay for it, don’t drag us all down with you.”

Chen Yi said, 

“Who said it’s dead? It only fainted.”

And then he forcefully shook the chicken in his hand. That rooster, as he expected, started to struggle against its captivity, flapping its wings over and over, clucking as it did. Fu Xiu Nian unconsciously took a step back, but that just caught Chen Yi’s attention, and the latter immediately stuffed the chicken into his hands.

Fu Xiu Nian’s face froze up, and his body acted as if he was holding a bomb, 

“Chen Yi, quick, take it away. What if it pecks me?”

Chen Yi: “Hit it against a tree. If you make it faint, that’s on me. If you kill it, then it’ll be your problem.”

Zhao Ke Yi laughed like she was out of her mind at that, even falling onto the floor directly and was unable to even stand back up. The PD, as part of the filming crew was also dying, trying to stifle his laughter, and the camera shook a few times from his restraint.

[ Puh ahahahahah what kind of universal cutie is Chen Yi. I really really really like that ]

[ And here I thought why he was so nice to help Xiu Xiu fix his hoodie, and then… puh ahahahahahah sorry, I’m having a stroke from laughing so hard. My mom even thinks I’m mental ]

[ Hahahahahaha if I was Fu Xiu Nian, I would be so mad right now. Chen Yi’s bullying him again ]

[ Hoh, I don’t understand what the person who thinks Chen Yi’s cute is thinking. Their perfection goggles are absolutely escaping reality with their imagination ]

[ Puh ahahahahaha the memory of what he said yesterday popped up, where he said he was so weak and so sick. So weak and so sick that he could strike a chicken from far away and make it faint with a piece of rock ]

Ah Qi came back then, holding a basket of little mushrooms, and was greeted by the sight of the entire filming crew laughing in stuttered breaths, almost unable to breathe. Fu Xiu Nian’s hands were also holding a struggling rooster and he was so confused, 

“Where did that chicken come from?! There are chickens in these kinds of woods?!”

Li Su Li used her hand to fan herself, moodily saying, 

“Well, that’s all thanks to Chen Yi. Throwing rocks around at random, almost killing someone else’s chicken.”

Chen Yi was unfazed and rolled his head to stretch his neck. He narrowed his eyes as he said, 

“If I was really throwing it at random, it wouldn’t only be the chicken that’s dead.”

It very likely could be you, woman.

Li Su Li instantly read the unspoken words and her face immediately turned green. Ah Qi quickly jumped in to tone down the tension, 

“Alright, alright. Let’s go back now. I just picked a handful of mushrooms, and that should be enough for food.”

And so everyone started to pack up and head back at that. Fu Xiu Nian’s heart was beating the most irregularly as this rooster was not small, its wings were long and when it was flapping with strength, the wings hit hard against his hand. He originally was not walking very easily, and so he was stumbling even harder, tripping even more.

Seeing him like this, Chen Yi flicked his right hand and another rock flew quickly and discreetly. That rooster croaked out once before its neck slumped over.

The screen immediately filled up like crazy with comments again:

[ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DID ANY OF YOU SEE THAT!!! MOMMY!!!!! HE DID IT AGAIN!!! ]

[ Baby, no worries. Mommy did see that. Don’t be so excited ]

[ Wow, that angle. I’m suspecting I’m watching a wuxia drama ]

[ LOLS killing a chicken with a rock is considered a miracle now hahahaha ]

Fu Xiu Nian felt the chicken in his hands suddenly stop moving and with a suspicious and doubtful expression, he tugged on the rope. After finding that there was no response at all, he subconsciously looked towards Chen Yi, and confusedly and hesitantly asked, 

“……The chicken seems to be dead. Does that count as your fault or does that count on me?”

Chen Yi borrowed the action of eating candy to hide the evil smirk on his face and took the advantage to say without any concern in his voice, 

“It counts on whosever hands it died in. Since it died in yours, it counts on you.”

Fu Xiu Nian whispered, 

“But I just saw you use a rock to discreetly hit it.”

Chen Yi: “……”

They have the vegetables, but rice was still a problem not yet solved. Ah Qi decided to bring the chicken back to the old man first and then head into the village center to exchange for some rice with their fish. After the group of them asked where Old Man Li, Li De Sheng’s home was, they realized they had another problem on their hands when they arrived at the old man’s door. And that was all due to the chicken in Fu Xiu Nian’s hands. Because it had not woken up yet, there wasn’t much of a difference between it being dead and otherwise.

Fu Xiu Nian looked at Chen Yi earnestly and said, 

“What should we do?”

Chen Yi contemplated deeply and just as everyone thought he would come up with a good plan, they heard him say, 

“……Why don’t we go back and make it into stew?”

Zhao Ke Yi excitedly applauded and agreed, 

“Yeah, yeah! Steam up chicken with mushrooms!!”

To be honest, Ah Qi was also enticed by the idea, but Li Su Li would not let go of any chance to bring down Chen Yi. She went up and roughly took the chicken from Fu Xiu Nian’s hands, smiling as she passed it to Chen Yi, 

“Farmers don’t have it easy when earning money. A person should take responsibility for their actions. You caused the problem, you solve it. Don’t burden any of us with your mess. We’ll wait out here for you as you go explain to the old man.”

Fu Xiu Nian furrowed his eyebrows slightly when he heard her, 

“Chen Yi didn’t know that it was someone else’s homegrown chicken. The chicken was still alive when it was in my hands, so I also have a responsibility. If nothing can be solved, then when the filming is done, we will privately give back to the old man what is owed.”

And then he went to grab the chicken back, but Chen Yi was faster than him. Looking as if he was going to confess to his crime, Fu Xiu Nian quickly pulled him back, 

“What are you going to say when you go over there?”

The poisonous tongue of Chen Yi could too easily start a fight.

“Old man, I found the dead body of your chicken. Do you want it back?”

“What if he doesn’t want it?”

“Well then, we go home and eat it.”

At the beginning, it was a very serious atmosphere, but in the end, it just made Zhao Ke Yi and Ah Qi start laughing on the spot. Taking the chance when Fu Xiu Nian paused in shock, Chen Yi headed straight for the old man’s door and confidently knocked with the chicken in his hand.

Seeing this, Fu Xiu Nian and Ah Qi quickly followed behind.

The wooden door creaked open and out walked an old man with a slightly hunched back in a white tank top. Seeing Chen Yi, the other man was a bit stunned, as he had never seen his face around here before, 

“What? What do yer want from me?”

The chicken in Chen Yi’s hand for some weird reason started to struggle again right at this moment, flapping its wings furiously. Chen Yi pointed towards the chicken coop in the courtyard and said, 

“Old man, this is yours right? We found it when we were heading into the woods, and came to give this back to you.”

The old man took a long look at the chicken, checking this and that, before smiling with joy, 

“Ah, this one’s really mine. A few days ago, I let them roam free for a breather and that giant dog chased it into the woods. Mer foot’s not been great and so I didn’t dare follow it. Young man, thank you. Thank you. I have raised this chicken for several years now so I have quite the fond feelings for it.”

The old man put the chicken back into the fenced off coop and wanted to invite Chen Yi for some tea, but Chen Yi rejected the offer politely. He leaned by the door and said, 

“Grandpa, do you eat fish? My family’s out of rice so could we exchange some fish for some rice? Just enough for one meal would be good.”

Villagers here may not have a lot, but they would never lack in rice. The old man’s home looked quite bountiful, and he patted Chen Yi on the arm, saying, 

“Oh yer youngsters, how could yer not have any rice at all at home? Wait a bit. I’ll pack yer some.”

And then went inside his house to grab a plastic bag to scoop some rice for him. He kept asking if this was enough and Ah Qi quickly said, 

“That’s definitely enough. Thank you so much. We will bring the fish over in a bit for you.”

The old man quickly waved his hands, very generously saying, 

“Hey, no need for fish. I’m old, so I’m afraid of the bones. There’s not much rice I can give, so it’s not really worth any money. Go, go. It’s almost noon, don’t starve yerselves.”

Not only did Chen Yi successfully return the chicken back, he even successfully obtained a small bag of rice. This was something the viewers did not expect at all.

Li Su Li glanced at the plastic bag and said in dissatisfaction, 

“Why did he only give us so little rice? Is this even enough for us to eat?”

When Chen Yi asked for rice, he said only enough for one meal and took care to not mention that it was for a couple of people. The old man only saw that there were the three of them there, and unconsciously thought that it was only for those three and hence, only gave enough for three.

[ Fuck this piece of shit. Does this woman not know how hard it is to harvest each and every grain of rice? Go eat fucking shit! ]

[ The old grandpa doesn’t even owe her anything. My grandma is a farmer and although it is better now, it does not mean that rice is not precious. All day long she just pretends to be so high and mighty, so fucking shitty, I just want to THROW UP! ]

[ Chen Yi, go take her down! ]

[ Chen Yi, go slam her back! Fuck that made me so mad. I just want to slap her in the face right now ]

[ I have a prediction. Chen Yi will definitely roast her back ]

Chen Yi narrowed his eyes and smiled fakely before, as expected, taking her down a few notches, 

“It should be enough for four people. It might not be enough for five, so why don’t you save that portion for us. Just take it as a part of your diet.”

Li Su Li had already expected this and lowered her eyes towards her hands, taking the time to inspect her nails, 

“I expended too much energy today, and I can’t stand it anymore. Chen Yi, you helped that old man out, so go ask him for a bit more. He wouldn’t not give it to you.”

Chen Yi: “If you used up too much energy, I suggest you go back and sleep.”

Lu Si Li paused in shock, 

“Why?”

Chen Yi: “If you sleep, then you won’t be hungry.”

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Notes:

^*1 shocked dog face meme: you may or may not have recalled this from volume 1, but this is basically as like the picture below (kind of like the shocked pikachu face?)

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Edited and Proofread by Plum

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Next – Chapter 67

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